How Do I Know What Formula To Give My Newborn Let Go of What Was and What Could Have Been

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Let Go of What Was and What Could Have Been

After our daughter’s accident, it became clear that our life as we once knew it would change forever. My daughter may not achieve her career goals. We may never see him graduate from high school or get married and have a family of his own.

I grieved over what was and quickly decided to let it go because they were “minor” problems compared to the current challenges we face today. Holding onto these unrealistic expectations would not serve me or Tanya well.

You might ask, “How can you give up what Tanya can accomplish? That’s very limiting thinking.” My answer then and now is: I don’t know what he’s capable of in the future. What I need to focus on is this present a moment. What can he actually do today?

After the accident, Tanya was like a newborn, starting over. My expectations had to be met by him current needs. Not a wish from my perspective or ego that “could have been” but would add to everyone’s stress.

I have seen this in my own experience and work with families with a disabled loved one and “normal” people. Their expectations exceed the capabilities of their loved ones at this point. From my observations and perspective, by keeping up the pressure to achieve unrealistic goals, we actually had the opposite effect to the desired outcome.

I believe the important question to ask is, “Why am I holding on to unrealistic expectations?” Is it your ego? Are you trying to please others? Shouldn’t I be dreaming BIG.” Or fill in the blank. All I ask is that you be honest in your answer.

No one expects a newborn baby to walk and eat steak. This would be an unrealistic expectation and would be considered abusive. Parents must protect the newborn and feed only mother’s milk or formula in the beginning. Being loving, kind, keeping the baby warm, feeding and protecting the baby enables the baby opportunity grow and develop.

When the child develops, it is time to introduce appropriate foods, provide opportunities and encouragement crawl and eventually walk. Creating the conditions is important here within your means to grow. Expecting it to happen before he is ready creates unnecessary stress, nobody wins.

I let go of what was, my expectations, unrealistic goals and allow Tanya to grow gives him space at his own pace develop. This OPTIMAL space opens up his universe in the healthiest way.

It is when I let go of what Tanya could have been that I experience incredible growth. This wonderful process relieves me of so much stress and gives me a lot of freedom to appreciate her for who she is now. It gives him the freedom to become who he is meant to be now, not who I thought he might have been.

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