How Do You Know If You Need To Switch Formula Husband Wants a Divorce? Advice to Change His Mind

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Husband Wants a Divorce? Advice to Change His Mind

Probably one of the most common emails or requests I get on my blog is from women who write something like, “Help! My husband wants a divorce. What can I do to change his mind before it’s too late? I can’t do this to him , because he acts aloof and doesn’t talk to me or listen to me.” These women are desperate to save their marriages, but their husbands block any attempt at reconciliation and basically ostracize them. I’ve seen this formula so many times and know firsthand that it can be a recipe for disaster. Because when you’re facing a divorce and your man doesn’t make himself available, you’re tempted to try desperate things or behavior that’s out of character just to get a reaction. The problem with this is that not only does it make you less attractive, it pushes your spouse further away and makes you vulnerable. Nothing good is likely to come of this chain of events. In this article, I’ll tell you some better alternatives that are more likely to change your husband’s mind about divorce than the tactics you’re probably using right now.

Why your husband won’t listen to you: Admittedly, I don’t know your husband or you or anything about the circumstances of your marriage. But I’ve been in your shoes and conducted countless hours of divorce research and interviewed many men seeking divorce or unhappy in their marriages. Most tell me the same thing. They won’t listen to you because they know what you say is meant to change their minds. They know you are trying to manipulate them. They know (from past experiences that have contributed to you now facing divorce) that you both made a lot of promises you didn’t keep or said a lot of things that never came true. In short, they are tired of hearing the same old thing and getting the same old results. So, they checked themselves as a defense mechanism.

Now, I’m not telling you this to put you down or blame you. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand that you need to change course if you want to change your husband’s mind about divorce. So stop putting yourself down, acting desperate, following him, threatening him, dating him, begging him, etc. You might get lucky (although the chances of that decrease over time) and he might “give up.” once or twice, but he’ll resent you for it, and it’ll be harder to get him back the next time. This is not a situation where you can afford to settle for a small, short-term victory. To truly save a marriage, you need a long-term win.

How to get your husband to listen to you (the first step to changing his mind about divorce): Hopefully by now I’ve shown you that the way you’re likely to change your husband’s mind probably won’t work (especially in the long run). But when you go, you have to make him listen to you. to achieve any success at all. How do you do that? By changing what you say. Remember I said husbands tell me they hear the same old thing? Change the message and tell them what they really want to hear. How do you do that? You AGREE with them. You confirm them. Now please stay with me. I know this may sound crazy, but I’ll explain.

At this point, many women say, “Oh, I can’t do that. It’s just too risky. If I agree, I might as well give up and just agree to a divorce.” No, I don’t mean that, I promise. You don’t agree to divorce. You simply accept that your husband has a right to want to be happy and accept that the marriage is in serious trouble. You are willing to lighten her load and make her situation better because that is what she wants to hear. And that’s when he listens to you.

Now that he’s listening, what do you say to get him to see things your way?: Well see, this is the kicker. You’re not trying to change her mind (and that’s exactly why it’s likely to work). You act like he wants to do it all alone. Because if you do it any other way, his heart isn’t really in it, and the plan will backfire in a big way.

So it would go something like this. The next time you’re with your man, tell him you’ve been thinking and realize he’s right. You agree that the marriage has not been what it should be, and you deeply regret it. You tell him that you love him and above all you want him to be happy. You tell him that he is too important to you to break up on bad terms. You promise him that you will no longer act in a way that would damage the relationship – no matter where the relationship leads. You then follow through with what you just told him. Always stop and ask yourself if your actions are pushing him further away before you do them.

Go slow. Never rush him or force him to divorce (he has to make this decision himself): So, if you agree with your husband as I described above, much of the tension should begin to subside. Once she sees that you mean what you say (and you’re not just telling her something new to change her mind), she should hopefully become more receptive to you. If he does, you should take things very slowly. Let him set the pace. Don’t rush and don’t push. Just focus on creating positive feelings and shared experiences where you both have light fun. No strings attached. There are no deep and difficult conversations about marriage yet. We don’t talk about what was and what could be again. Focus on one shared experience at a time.

If you do, I’d be willing to bet that over time, he’ll begin to see glimpses of two people falling in love for the first time. And when he does, he ends up wanting more. Always leave him wanting more. It is very important not to rush. Because if he becomes the one willing to change the terms of the relationship, you will begin to gain more of an equal position in the marriage and your place in it. And that’s where you need to be if he’s going to change his mind about your marriage with all his heart and soul.

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