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My Red Pontiac Firebird – Babe Magnetic With an Attitude Problem
Before I talk about my Firebird, let me mention that I once owned a brand new Pontiac Fiero. It was black and fast, sexy and cool. I felt like a superhero in it as I zipped down the street and flew around corners. But I had problems with this car; in short, I couldn’t drive, eat a donut and shift at the same time. It really annoyed me. But the car never broke down. Of course, it only had 30,000 miles on it before someone used it as a terrorist training target by ramming their car into it and totaling it. I knew a terrorist did it because no one else would accidentally run behind a parked car. So at the age of 22, I ran to my Pontiac dealer and bought what I really wanted: a red Pontiac Formula Firebird! Imagine my ear-to-ear grin with all 8 cylinders humming, a box of donuts ready, and the automatic transmission shifting gears for me.
It was a really fast, shiny red car that you could see coming for at least 135 miles. I knew it would attract girls. As I was driving home, I thought that now that I had this awesome car, I could finally get a girl to talk to me. I remember the excitement when I ran out of gas after the first tank. I’ve been waiting for this day. I would have to stop at a gas station where I would quietly and sexily emerge from my man-o-musk metallic outerwear for all the ladies to longingly admire me, the owner of this stunningly sexy magnetic machine.
The first ten times I got out of the car, the girls didn’t look at me much. I thought nothing of it. I was away and on top of the world. I thought they were just as cute as I was. Several station stops later, I lived out my fantasy. I even stopped to fill up every 5 gallons to increase the chance of admiration. Over 100 stops later, the results were in; no lady is looking. Adding insult to injury, 15 of your old boys always came up to me to say something like, “Dude, how many horses does that baby have under the hood”. Ok, so it took me another ten years to realize that I needed something like a BMW, Mercedes, or some other expensive car to get the attention of the ladies. I learn life’s lessons very slowly.
Anyway, the reason for this story really has nothing to do with how hot I am, it’s actually mechanical issues with my Firebird. Sorry it took so long to get to this. I tend to struggle. Long story short, one morning my Firebird had developed an attitude problem revolving around a sleep disorder. That is, it would not wake up. Starter was pronounced clinically dead at the scene.
So I towed my 60,000 mile old Babe Mobile to my local neighborhood franchised garage and they had a deal with me. They could replace my starter with a rebuilt part and save me money on the repair (vs. using new parts as the dealer wanted). It came with a brilliant 90-day warranty. I thought the original part lasted 60,000 miles and 4 years, a rebuilt one should definitely last at least half that long.
So about 91 days later I was towed back to the shop again because the attitude of my car was a problem. The store manager thought that we had adjusted the car’s attitude correctly the first time and that the broken starter was definitely just a coincidence. So we agreed to put another rebuilt starter in there. Yep, I snuck back into the same store about 92 days later. I think we may have put on a new one that time, but I don’t really remember (bad memories are blocked by the brain after the trauma is severe enough).
Now a little technical talk about why this could happen. Remanufactured parts usually have a 90-day warranty and fail much more often than remanufactured parts or new parts. A rebuilt part cleans, tests and replaces what needs to be replaced, but nothing else. Think about that for a minute. You’re only fixing what actually broke, not necessarily the design or build errors that may have caused the failure.
You can also use a reworked part where you discard all worn items, test the rest, recoat all relevant surfaces, replace any discarded worn items, and test the final assembly. In this case, you will definitely improve your chances of staying on the road longer. These parts fail much less often than rebuilt parts and are generally covered by a 12 month 12,000 mile warranty. Of course, you can go full Monty and buy a brand new part and also get a 12 month 12,000 mile warranty and (arguably) the best performance.
Now that I’ve helped you understand the technical speak that shopkeepers give you as they list your options, keep in mind that I don’t have great advice for women in general. But this story should help you with a little problem I had while driving my Pontiac Firebird. You see, today my wife is smarter than me and also much more beautiful than me. And you guessed it. I met him long after Firebird was buried.
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