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How To Reach Rebellious Teens and Get Them to Take Your Advice
What I hated most as a teenager was having to listen to what adults told me to do. At the time, I thought I had all the answers. I couldn’t wait until I was older so I wouldn’t have to listen to anyone. It was my silly belief that my parents told me what not to do just to control me and stop me from having fun. My irrational thinking made me despise my parents and rebel. At the age of 14, I was unknowingly on a fast-paced path to self-destruction. I relentlessly craved independence and respect. Feeling like an adult, I no longer wanted to be treated like a child. I wanted to explore my options and make my own choices. Times have changed, but life cycles remain the same. If you want to reach teenagers who usually think they “know it all,” you need to try to dethrone their “stinky thinking.”
Teenagers don’t want to be talked to; they want to be handled maturely. Young adults usually despise being told what to do. Therefore, to get a better response, give them the freedom to decide how they will meet your requirements. For example, if you need to clean the house, cook dinner, or take out the trash, don’t just give forceful commands. Discuss needs with your child as you would with a respected peer, and let your teen create a schedule and plan how they will complete tasks. This doesn’t mean you have to let your teen “run the show,” but make them believe they have some control over how they handle the situation. This way they feel respected and mature.
It is important for teenagers to know that their maturity gives them more privileges. The more responsible they become, the more they should be allowed to do independently. This will motivate your teen to do the right thing. Remember that most children want freedom more than anything else. If they know that doing the right thing will give them more freedom, you’ll gain their attention and cooperation.
If you have to say no or insist on something, be gracious and explain why you made your decision. Remember that most teenagers hate being told what to do and have a preconceived notion that their parents are just trying to prevent their enjoyment. So, if you have to make demands that are not favorable to your child, don’t have a “do it because I said so” mentality; explain your decision. For example, if you decide that your child cannot be late, explain why, explain your reason, and deliver your message with love.
“Honey, I know you’d like to have fun and stay out late tonight, but you have homework to do. I understand that right now you may think your homework isn’t important, but it is. In order to maintain your lifestyle now, you have to get a good job to pay the bills. For that you need to get an education. The more you learn now, the more freedom you will have when you get older to live better. I only want the best for you. I recognize your potential and I know your future will be great. My job as your parent is to help you achieve the success I know you deserve. Let’s work together to achieve that goal.” Such dialogue could be offered in a warm tone.
Always be open to compromise or suggestions. You can successfully trade with your child and achieve great results. Some may think that negotiating with a child is ridiculous, but it is not. Remember that as your child gets older, he will want independence. By allowing your teen to feel that you trust them and have a sense of independence, you will gain their support. This will help you both achieve more positive results in your relationship. Therefore, help your child gain a sense of independence by setting goals and rewarding them with freedom for achieving them. For example, getting a good grade on an exam can pay for an extra hour added to your teen’s curfew. You will be amazed how such a simple privilege, given only once, can motivate a child to become responsible. So by rewarding your child, you motivate him to eventually succeed.
Parenting is a team sport. A coach needs a winning team to succeed in his profession, just as a parent needs to build healthy family relationships to achieve long-term results. So be tactful as a coach when developing your parenting skills. Don’t yell at your kids when they’re wrong, be compassionate and get all the facts. Understand the motivation behind the adverse behavior so you can help root the problem. Take corrective measures to ensure your child’s safety, but maintain a relationship where your child is not afraid to share the truth. Remember, truth can always be dealt with, but what you don’t know you can’t!
If you take disciplinary action, be firm, but always explain your reasoning. Don’t allow your child to develop their own ideology behind their actions, which can be destructive to your relationship. Explain the terms of the punishment and how your child can regain your trust and regain the revoked privileges. Always remain a respected voice of reason that your child can count on to be fair and consistent. You want your child to always feel comfortable coming to you and not turning to the street for solutions.
If your teen isn’t receptive to your reasoning, show them a visual example that they can better relate to. Teenagers often learn better through illustrative, practical examples. I have had significant success reaching teenagers in a prison public speaking group that targets at-risk youth. I remember going to a juvenile detention center where the kids were very unruly. As we waited in our seats to talk, to my surprise, a teenager hit another on the head, right in front of the staff. When the director of the facility scolded the troubled teenager, she replied: “Shut the @#$% up!” I sat in complete disbelief at how rude the kid was. I firmly believed that reaching this particular group of children was an impossible task. Butterflies swirled in my stomach as I approached the podium to deliver my speech.
After I announced my name, my conviction, and the fact that I was serving 12.5 years in federal prison, the room suddenly fell silent. You could literally hear a pin drop on the floor. I talked to the teenagers like I was talking to a friend I really cared about. I explained to them my past mistakes and how my lifestyle led to my imprisonment. I spoke in detail about life in prison and explained how my peers, who I tried so hard to like, believing they were my true friends, abandoned me during my incarceration. Before ending the call, I reluctantly glanced at the young girl who was previously unruly. He looked at me intently, yet it was hard to tell if my message had reached him.
As the question/answer portion of the session began, a young girl raised her hand to speak. In my mind I thought he was going to say something rude, but he didn’t.
“I’ve been in and out of detention centers since I was 12. I smoked weed, I cut school, and I shoplifted my neighborhood stores. Much like you, I followed my friends and did things to please them. But after listening to your story, I don’t want to feel bad anymore to be,” shouted the child as he began to cry frantically. “I couldn’t imagine living in prison for 12 and 2 years like you. This can’t happen to me! I don’t want to live like this anymore!” he rolled as I got off the platform and went on my way. to his place to comfort him. That moment changed my life. It made me realize that despite my mistakes and past mistakes, my story can make a difference! My experience in mentoring at-risk youth helped me develop a formula for getting them to accept my advice.
To reach a rebellious teenager, you must first overcome the challenge of making them believe that their current behavior or way of thinking is irrational. Yelling and screaming or simply demanding is not enough. If you respectfully inform your children of the reasons behind your point of view and give them clear visuals that explain your reasoning, they will get it! Visual examples last much longer than your words. Even when you are not around, an enlightened child who understands the severity of the consequences of bad choices will take your advice because they understand that it is truly for their protection.
Don’t just take my word for it. Try the techniques written in this article. I guarantee you will be amazed at the results! Not only will you improve your relationship with even the most rebellious teenager, but your advice will hit home!
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